from ZDNET’s Computer Stew:
“All aboard!”
“You’re crazy from the heat. Credit is no good to a software salesman.”
“Why not? What’s the matter with credit?”
“Why, it’s old fashioned! Charlie, you’re a server salesman. Your firm give credit?”
“No sir!”
“Hah hah! Nor any body else!”
“All aboard!”
Cash for the Zip drive, floppy disk, CD-ROM.
Cash for the keyboards and the casing and the drive cable.
Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk?
Where da ya get it?
Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk?
You can talk, you can talk
You can bicker, you can talk
Bicker, bicker, bicker,
You can talk, you can talk,
You can talk, talk, talk, talk
Bicker, bicker, bicker,
Talk all you wanna
But it’s different than it was.
No it ain’t! No it ain’t!
But ya gotta know the territory!
Tschh tschh
tschh tschh
tschh tschh!
Why it’s Amazon.com made the trouble,
Made the people wanna buy,
Wanna sit, wanna sit,
Wanna sit down and buy.
Seven
Eight, nine, ten, twelve, fourteen, twenty-two,
Twenty-three bucks spent online.
Yes sir!
Who’s gonna patronize the
Little bitty two-by-four
kinda store any more?
Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk?
Where da ya get it?
Not the Amazon at all!
It’s the store, its the ecom store.
It’s the present day store.
It’s the present day, modern
Ecom, mercified,
Online store!
Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk?
Where da ya get it?
Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk?
Where da ya get it?
You can talk, you can talk
You can bicker, you can talk
Bicker, bicker, bicker,
You can talk, you can talk,
You can talk, talk, talk, talk
Bicker, bicker, bicker,
Talk all you wanna
But it’s different than it was.
No it ain’t!
But ya gotta know the territory!
Why, it’s the ebay.com
Made the trouble.
Ebay
Put the friction in the auction,
In the auction.
The ebay.com with the online, webified auction
Made the classifieds obsolete. Obsolete!
Obsolete!
Classifieds
Went out the window
With the paper, TV, VC-friggin’-R
Changed the approach of the media programmer
Made it pretty hard.
No it didn’t! No it didn’t!
But ya gotta know the territory!
Gone!
Gone!
Gone with the Zip drive, floppy disk, CD-ROM.
Gone with the typewriter, 8-track, postman.
Gone with the BetaMax, the vinyl and the tapes!
Ever meet a feller by the name of Bill?
Bill?
Bill?
Bill?
Bill?
Bill?
Bill?
Bill?
Bill?
--- No! ---
Jistaminnit! Jistaminnit! Jistaminnit!
Never heard of any chairman, Bill.
Now, he doesn’t know the territory.
Doesn’t know the territory?
What’s the fella’s line?
Never worries ’bout his line.
Never worries ’bout his line?
Or the classifieds bein’ obsolete.
Or the ebay.com with the
Online, webbified auction.
Or the Amazon.com.
Jistaminnit! Jistaminnit! Jistaminnit!
Never worries ’bout his line.
Never worries ’bout his line?
Or a doggone thing. He’s just a
Bang-beat, bell-ringin’
Big-haul, great-go
Neck-or-nothin’, rip-roarin’
Every-time-a-bull’s-eye salesman!
That’s the famous chairman Bill! Chairman Bill!
Yeah, but what’s his line? What’s his line?
He’s a fake! And he doesn’t know the territory!
Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk? Whaddaytalk?
He’s Microsoft Man.
He’s a what?
He’s a what?
He’s Microsoft Man, and he sells OSs
To the kids in the town,
With the built-in browser
And the point-and-click mouse.
Just like Mac. Just like Mac!
And the Office Suite. The Office Suite
Is built right in, too,
With less and less competitors.
And, an upgrade every year.
Well, I don’t know much about bits,
But I do know
Ya can’t make a living selling
Operating systems! No sir!
Defrag programs, perhaps,
And here and there, a Solitaire.
No. The fella sells operating systems.
I don’t know how he does it,
But he lives like a king.
And he dallies and he gathers
And he plucks and he shines.
And, when the man dances,
Certainly, boys, what else?
The piper pays him!
Yesss sir!
But he doesn’t know the territory!